Valentine’s Is A Rotten Day To Be Single

From New York Post

The day after New Year’s, the assault begins. Scanning the drugstore’s aisles for cold medicine, you come face-to-face with a pink and white teddy bear holding up a heart-shaped “Be mine” sign. Turn the corner to escape, and you nearly collide with a stock boy assembling a classic display of heart-shaped boxes and red cardboard Cupid cutouts.

Congrats to the folks in happy relationships or dating someone special — but for singles, the Valentine’s Day onslaught is as much a slap in the face as sub-zero whipping you as you leave the office to escape the delighted squeals of bouquet-receiving co-workers.

Actually, even dating gets tricky. There’s the whole overpriced prix-fixe dinner dilemma. Do you really want to swallow that 20 percent markup (or expect him to), just to endure extra-slow service in a rose-petal-strewn, white-tablecloth restaurant, shoehorned between the woman who won’t shut up about how her fiancé surprised her with the ring and the guy who looks like he’s about to put his hand inside his date’s blouse?

I don’t want to sound cranky here. As a single woman, I find Valentine’s Day displays can rekindle my sense of romantic possibilities. They can make me nostalgic, too, for a time when making construction paper and glue valentines for my brothers and classmates filled me with simple joy — memories of a time when love never hurt.

Lots of local singles find it can be a downer. “The trappings are stressed on Valentine’s Day or at other times — but the part [of dating] less to do with candy and chocolate and more to do with communicating, that’s what’s missing and Valentine’s Day doesn’t address,” said Naftali, 45, a financial analyst and Upper West Sider.

He added, “Having come off various short-term dating pulses — two dates here, three dates there — I feel it’s important to have an emotional connection with someone, and that’s sometimes missing in the big city.”

“Everybody — at least everybody who’s single — has equal hatred for Valentine’s Day,” said Phil Gomez, 26, a physical therapist from Harlem. “Every restaurant is super expensive. You can’t go out single because then you’ll have to pay the Valentine’s Day rates.”

“It’s a Hallmark holiday,” said Josh Lipowsky, 32, a graduate student at New York University.

One single woman even told me she hides from her doorman on V-Day. Alyssa, 40, an Upper East Side marketing manager, told me: “I don’t want to be seen by my neighbors and doorman that night because I don’t want to be judged by whether I’m in a committed relationship, or just headed out to meet friends, or just getting takeout, so people might think, ‘Oh, poor Alyssa.’

“Even when I’ve been in a relationship, everything is crowded and overpriced. It feels forced, like New Years Eve.”

She added, “When you’re single, Valentine’s Day is a reminder you haven’t landed on the things that are most important . . . yet you may not be willing to compromise on the most crucial elements of what you’re looking for in a potential partner.”

I heard similar sentiments from other singles — on Valentine’s Day, better to stag it than to settle for just any date.

“It’s not an easy thing to say ‘no’ to a relationship you could say ‘yes’ to, when [in doing so] you could easily fit in with everybody else,” said Liz Walker, 33, of Harlem, an attorney. “We don’t live in a society where people celebrate the hard choice. It’s hard to say, ‘I’d rather be alone than be in something with someone who isn’t right for me.’ ”

Her remarks got me thinking: With the US divorce rate at about 50 percent, where is the holiday that celebrates being single and free and not having made poor choices? Where is the holiday that commends those who found the strength to walk away from bad (even abusive) relationships and retain the hope the right person really is out there? Perhaps it’s time to rekindle respect for emotional strength and independence — without giving up on romantic love.

So if you’re single this Valentine’s Day, consider: What’s the point of comparing your romantic status to anyone else’s? You really never know what goes on behind other couples’ closed doors (except those of your neighbors who argue — or make love — loudly). Think back to your days of making homemade valentines as child, to the hopes you had for a great love that you have had the strength to hold out for.

There’s always the option of hanging with good friends — or ordering takeout, putting on your comfy PJs, cranking up Diana Ross’s “You Can’t Hurry Love” and Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” — and knowing you could be doing a whole lot worse.

This entry was written by Heather Robinson and posted on April 28, 2014 at 12:54 pm and filed under Commentary. permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Keywords: . Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL. */?>